laura's bitch blog

seriously, i should just change the name of this blog to 'laura whining'.

but really, how much more is going to be thrown at me?

i interviewed for the full-time job at the history center. it went well. then a week later i was humiliated in front of my peers as 2 CEOs from the center gave their newly hired volunteer manager a tour of the swan house as i was literally on my stomach under a console table, cleaning the damn floor. they didn't have the common courtesy to tell me 'hey thanks for your time, but we found someone else.' no, they didn't say a word to me, even while i stood there watching them. and i didn't say a word to them, even when the other docents came up to me and said 'that lady got your job, are mad? oh my god'. no i just stood there.

that same day i interviewed for a part-time job at the high museum. i really need a full-time job for benefits etc, but was willing to stay at the history center just so i could get my foot in the door at the high. it went really well. yet, no one has contacted me or even returned my phone calls inquiring about the status of the position. they can't even call to tell me no.

my grandmother had a brain aneurysm on saturday, fell and fractured her skull. she finally had brain surgery but now is in a vegetative state with a trach and a feeding tube. my father is in philadelphia with her, but can't stand for the rest of my family to go up there. he isn't obviously able to come down for christmas.

my other grandparents just called to tell us they can't come either, because my aunt on that side is fargone with substance abuse and apparently hasn't eaten in the past week. they can't commit her without her consent.

i know that if either of those women were my own mother, i'd be having a much shittier time. but at the same time, it's so hard to sit here states away watching this happen and not be able to do anything or at least see it for yourself. i just feel like all this crap keeps happening and all i can do is sit on my ass and watch my life. i don't know what else to do at this point.

my mother said the other day that in times like these is when you really see if you believe in god or not. when you find yourself suddenly praying even though you haven't ever gone to church or thought much about it. i realized that the thought never even crossed my mind to ask someone for help, to pray, to go to church, to do anything. i just sit here and watch. and that's perhaps one of the most depressing things of all.